The speed at which ideas, people and arguments are compared to Hitler has reached an all time high on British newspaper web sites' comments sections. The average Meantime to Hitler Comparison (MTTHC) now stands at a staggering 2.3 comments for every news story in the Daily Mail, Guardian, Daily Telegraph and Daily Mirror.
"We expected the mean time to a Hitler comparison to drop, as people realised how silly it is to compare everyone and everything to Nazi Germany," said a pollster, "but in fact, the reverse has happened. These days, the Third Reich seems to be the benchmark for everything, from Parenting to Pelvic floor exercises, from Property to Proper Tea."
Analysts are baffled why retrogressive Hitler comparisons have boomed - at a time when the art of communicating online should be evolving. Many social scientists predicted that access to a Googol's of petabytes of information might widen the average term of reference. Bus instead the world view of each internet debater has become narrower. Access to masses of intelligence has made people frightened of having their belief violated, so everyone keeps a Hitler comparison under the bed, just in case some internet debater tries to get a bit tasty. "I've got a couple of Hitler anecdotes handy, in case someone comes the old soldier," said one frightened debater, "If that don't work, I've also got a caps lock button. AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO USE IT!!!" :(
The anonymity of the web has not encouraged people to admit their vulnerabilities and ask other people to enlighten them on the gaps in the knowledge. Instead, says the study, it has created an amphitheatre for keyboard warriors.
SHIT I'VE RUN OUT OF IDEAS..