A seagull has today lashed out at local governments across the country for the continued erection of 'Please do not feed the gulls' signs.
Resident of Weymouth for the last 5 years, the bird who is known only as Sid, is deeply distressed at the recent food shortage seaside wildlife has been experiencing.
'Humans ruined our old sea fishing ways, and that's absolutely fine -I was getting fed up of sardines day in, day out anyway,' says Sid, 6, 'but to ban small children from chucking us the odd chip or two? That's ridiculous. They're taking away the only food source we have left.
'It's basically the same as me choosing to dump my load on the shoulder of every single human being leaving a food bank. I would never do that though, I'm not an animal.'
A spokesperson from Weymouth council condemned Sid' s attitude.
'We've been living together in harmony for centuries, why start moaning now? They never complained when we put the spikes on rooftops and made them sit on the floor. They can't be that smart anyway, they're birds. If the RSPB reports are true, they keep getting their heads stuck in carrier bags and those plastic beer can holders.'
Celebrity chef Jamie Oliver also sided with local councils.
'I went on holiday to Devon once, and the gulls were so fat they struggled to fly. Banning them from eating chips is a great idea! I'll start going round UK seaside destinations and teach them how to fry grass in a bit of olive oil, chuck some herbs in. Bish, bash, bosh. Pucka grub.'
Jamie's new series 'Down the Gullet' is expected to air in 2015.