Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, has called for urgent measures to prevent the genus Homo Clericus Erectus becoming extinct by the end of 2014. In accordance with the Endangered Species Preservation Act of 1966(ESA), these animals need a safe haven and familiar habitat.
Westminster Abbey has been chosen as the sanctuary and a team of experts are already rescuing clerics from far and wide. To raise awareness, Westminster Abbey will be opened to the public as a new style animal park. “It is essential we make these animals more appealing to future generations”, explained project manager Mr. Gimble.
Gimble gave a brief flavour of planned attractions: ‘Do it with the Dancing Deacons’, ‘Vestal Virgins’, performing to Madonna’s Like a Virgin; for more hard core visitors, ‘Jerk and Twerk with the Naughty Nuns'. A firm favourite with visitors is expected to be the choir boy enclosure. "This", the manager gushed excitedly, "will be a very, hands on exhibit, designed to embrace the young".
Refreshments will be served in the vestry by the Fat Friar, providing culinary favourites fish, burger or sausage with chips. While a range of cocktails will include Sex on the Bench, Hanky-Panky, Paradise Pussy, Bloody Mary, Devil’s Advocaat, Pulsing Priests and Orgasmic Sister. The Archbishop will personally be running wine tasting sessions and has already secured bulk orders of Blue Nun and Chateau Neuf du Pape.
Mr. Gimble was delighted to announce that Reverend Paul Flowers is already on board and will be running a drugs programme. The thrust of his campaign will be ‘Drugs wreck careers’, and, ‘Just say yes’.
A sex education programme, ‘No sex is safe sex’ will be run by the Clericus Celebus species; whilst financial and legal classes, run by Clerics from America and Italy, vastly experienced in the difficulties of sex offending today, will focus on, ‘how not to get caught’,’how to avoid litigation’ and ‘how to offset bankruptcy’.
A final word of caution came from head zoologist, Sarah Black. ”To guarantee their future, these animals must start breeding. Some species have no interest in sex whatsoever others are only interested in intercourse with very young same sex partners. On joining this sanctuary, all inmates will be expected to sign up for either, ‘Celibacy sucks’, or ‘Sex with ladies, makes babies’.
Homo Clericus Erectus placed on endangered species register
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Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby, has called for urgent measures to prevent the genus Homo Clericus Erectus becoming extinct by the end of 2014. In accordance with the Endangered Species Preservation Act of 1966(ESA), these animals need a safe haven and familiar habitat.Posted 10 months ago #
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