Amazon and WH Smith have announced their Christmas sales projections today, revealing that Princess Anne’s ‘Dine Equine’ cookbook has a ‘strong chance’ of reaching the festive top spot for December book sales. The 200-page book, dubbed the 'horsemeat bible', will be the princesses debut cookbook, and will feature a wide-array of equine offerings, from 'honey-glazed hoof' to quick and easy tongue sandwiches, 'straight from the horses mouth'.
‘Despite its concerning colour and gristly texture, horse is in vogue right now’, claims retail expert and critic, Cedric Papier. ‘People are bored with dry turkey and burnt spuds: 2013 is all about taste adaption. We’re really jumping in the saddle of innovation this year. Quite literally’.
Excited about the anticipated success of the launch, Princess Anne said today: ‘most people have retired race horses limping around in the garden, don’t they? All I’m doing is proving that they do have a purpose, and it's a bloody tasty purpose, too. We all know that cooked turkey has the potential to be sandwiched well into January. Well, horsemeat has even more staying power: the firmness of the meat from years of galloping and whipping ensures you’ll be making horse con carne well in to April’.
Confirming that the book will dedicate a section to 'super-hot horse curries', for those 'not afraid of the trots', Princess Anne added: ‘one can be exceptionally creative with horsemeat. The flagship recipe in the book has to be the ‘Festive Furlong’, which is essentially a horsemeat medley that demonstrates how diverse the cooking methods for your pet horse can be. Also, If you're planning a large gathering, I strongly recommend the suggestions in the Horse D'ouvres section'.
Although tipped for festive success, ‘Dine Equine’ is still set to face stiff competition from the likes of Heston Blumenthal’s ‘Dry Ice Christmas’, which details how families can cook an entire Christmas dinner using solidified carbon dioxide alone, as well as Ken Hom, who expects to prove himself as a top spot contender with the launch of his own niche winter cookbook, ‘A Dog Can Just Be For Christmas’.