Scientists have confirmed today that the sun has 'finally flipped, literally', as the giant mass of hydrogen and helium has announced that it's preparing to 'spin over', to cast its gaze over 'less judgemental' planets on the other side of the galaxy.
The exact mechanisms that drive the shift in the sun's view of the solar system are not totally understood, but experts have suggested that it may be using the power of anger and frustration after being subjected to 'one too many' insults from humans, who often refer to it as the 'largest star in the solar system', and regularly count its spots.
'Okay, I've put a little weight on, but most of it's just trapped gas', claimed the sun today, who says there are 'many other planets' in the opposite direction that 'appreciate him for who he is'. 'There are only so many insults I can take. It's not just the fat jokes; apparently I'm either 'too hot' or 'never there when needed'. Make your minds up, seriously. This time next week I'll be facing Kepler 22b; no bullying goes on at Kepler 22b'.
The giant star continued: 'The last straw for me was reading an article from some poxy scientist who was going on about my 'solar flares'. How would you feel if a well-respected academic spent most of his career analysing your flatulence? You'd be a bit embarrassed, right? well, I'm no different. you can photosynthesise your own plants for a bit because i'm off'.
'He does this every 11-years or so, it's just hot air', said popular TV boffin, Brian Cox. 'We won't be affected greatly, we'll just be getting the UV rays from his arse instead of his front. He'll flip over again in a decade or so, saying he's sorry and that he 'probably overreacted a bit'. We just let him get on with it'.
Claiming that he plans to make the move in 'a week or so', the sun added: 'Have fun viewing my derriere for a bit. This 'ripple effect' that scientists are talking about is my early Christmas present to you all. Merry Christmas'.