The government has been forced to step in and offer guidance today after it became apparent that a Children in Need and Comic Relief have become indistinguishable for members of the public, leading to dangerous confusion.
Linda Frobington-Smythe, a middle-ranking civil servant from Winchester, sobbed "They refused my cheque for Pudsey because I wrote 'Comic Relief' on the payee line. How was I to know there was a difference?".
Consumer groups have rallied to offer support to distressed viewers "Frankly we blame the BBC. If they allow clips of Lenny Henry gurning and capering at the camera to be broadcast in the same month as Wogan's velvet tones, then of course the public are going to be confused. It doesn't help that many viewers complain of sensory impairment due to both events having lots of people in bright clothing you would only wear to childrens parties, shouting enforced jollity then getting all sincere about something sad. It adds no clarification when you have Lenny Henry shouting in the nation's face "Do something funny for charity!", then he never does.
Charities human factors experts have been asked to devise a plan to minimise the impact on the cognitively-challenged by devising symbols that the BBC must display at all times during the broadcast of wall-to-wall charity fuckery.
During Children in Need, the motif of a cartoon man in mustard-yellow moleskin trousers with a red-spotted white kerchief gag, will be shown in the top left of the television screen. For Comic Relief, the word 'TWAT' across a jolly red bulb will be similarly displayed.
Meanwhile a competition has been lauched to design the best logo of Michael Fish looking indignant in preparation for Typhoon Aid. Sir Paul McCartney and Mylie Cyrus are hotly tipped for a Christmas number one with their duet for the Philippines "You are the wind beneath my wings"