'Emergency Budget with The Delicious Miss Dahl has been very popular,' said BBC Director General, Mark Thompson, 'audiences love the way that Sophie can explain the Public Sector Borrowing Requirement by seductively licking crème fraiche off a spoon. And her announcement of changes to Capital Gains Tax by smearing her lips in chocolate sauce was remarkably instructive.'
During the show, former model Miss Dahl told viewers: 'I am now going to slowly strip away the figures and show you some vital statistics. Watch as I crunch the numbers, pull out the growth package and do some quantitative teasing that will really make your eyes water.' At this point, fellow presenter Huw Edwards had to leave the studio for a cold shower and a little lie down.
The BBC have strenuously denied accusations that they were trying to ‘sex-up’ the Budget with so called ‘Fiscal Totty’. 'That is absolute nonsense,' said Mr Thompson, 'Sophie is a well known expert in macro-economic theory. To think that we would employ her simply to make the budget more sexy is ridiculous. And the fact that Nick Robinson and Robert Peston presented the show topless with little bow ties is neither here nor there.'
Chancellor George Osborne welcomed the new presenter: 'It has been a real thrill to have Miss Dahl going through the contents of my red box,' he said excitedly, 'she has really raised my interest rates.'
Prime Minister David Cameron went further: 'I am seriously considering making Miss Dahl the new Chancellor. The British people would much prefer to hear about savage cuts to public spending from a former glamour model who is prepared to get her kit off than George Osborne. Although George would be prepared to get his kit off if the role demanded it.'
Shadow Chancellor Alistair Darling raised a note of caution. 'Miss Dahl is undoubtedly a very attractive young lady but certain sectors of the country may be too fragile to cope with her at this stage. A lot of middle aged men could collapse under the strain, especially if they end up seeing a double dip. Besides, I much prefer Nigella.'