The playful spat between veteran broadcasters David Dimbleby and Jeremy Paxman has been blown apart after fellow political pundit Andrew Marr appeared on live television sporting a full array of metallic genital piercings.
‘It was like a piece of installation art,’ revealed a member of the Andrew Marr Show production team, ‘special guest Rupert Grint didn’t know where to put himself – mind you, neither did Andrew after all that.’
The so-called BBC Tattoo War kicked off earlier this week after a newly hirsute Jeremy Paxman mocked David Dimbleby’s recent scorpion tattoo by signing off from Newsnight with the words ‘Good Nite’ written across his knuckles. A furious Dimbleby, poised to counter this with an ear piercing, was dramatically foiled after Marr sent his challenge clanging into the arena with his ring / Price Albert combination.
‘The two pieces are attached with a chain and everything,’ complained Dimbleby’s agent. ‘David’s planned Maori symbols and dangly stretched earlobes won’t be enough to keep him in the game after this, especially if Paxman makes good his threat to do a Cheryl Cole and have roses tattooed all over his backside – incidentally, that’s the real reason why Titchmarsh is quitting Gardeners’ World, you mark my words.’
While most viewers of the BBCs high-brow output may be dismayed to see these respected icons of respectable television pierced and inked up like a member of the Jim Rose Circus, the tattoo parlour industry is revelling in the new trend for current affairs body art. ‘We haven’t been this busy since Brian Walden had ‘F*ck Thatcher’ inscribed across his chest in the early ‘80s,’ said one tattoo artist. ‘Interestingly it was he who wanted the asterisk – this was back in the day when the BBC had standards you know.’
‘We’re raking it in,’ he continued, ‘only the other day we did Moira Stuart a cracking lip stud and threw in a set of arse antlers across the base of her spine, whilst Kirsty Wark is booked in for next Thurdsay for some serious embellishment. I won’t give too much away but I’d hate to be her the next time she walks through an airport scanner…’