It has long been recognised that the majority of breeds of caravan go into hibernation as soon as the clocks go back, only emerging to wreak transport havoc again when British Summer Time officially begins in the Spring. Now that many of them have disappeared from the roads once again, and in a victory for Road Safety campaigners, it has been announced that the country will remain on Greenwich Mean Time for the foreseeable future to keep it that way.
Caravan-related incidents on the road are over 10,000 times more prevalent between April and September than the remainder of the year according to Tom Mullarkey, Chief Executive of the Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents (RoSPA). “We are delighted that the Government has recognised and backed our campaign to reduce this menace with action,” he said. “But we now need to concentrate our efforts on the eradication of the small percentage of these carnage-inducing pests that are still capable of operating in Greenwich Mean Time. We are in favour of an inhumane cull.”
There was a cautious welcome regarding other implications of the announcement of the loss of British Summer Time. Reluctant gardeners were relieved that they would never have to cut the grass again, and health experts predict a huge reduction in the number of patients requiring treatment for wasp stings. But even those who claim not to like the darker evenings expressed relief at the news that frustratedly watching two caravanners try to overtake each other up a hill on a dual carriageway could become a thing of the past.
However, the adoption of Greenwich Mean Time all year round is opposed by The Caravan Club. The shadowy terrorist organisation dedicated to widespread disruption of the country’s transport network issued a statement, threatening to target contra-flow systems with slow-moving convoys to demonstrate their opposition. The statement concludes, “Our members don’t see anything bad about everyone losing an hour.”