Racism has announced it plans to “class itself up,” by distance itself from the Football Association.
A spokesman for racism told of mounting shame and anguish amongst the racist community as the uninitiated continually assume all racist people are somehow involved in professional football. The result of this, of course, being that racists are now finding themselves deemed less respectable by average Joe and generally looked down upon. They say they're tired of the assumption that all racists cheat on their wives with their friend’s wives, use cocaine, and actually believe you can give “One-hundred-and-ten percent.”
Some commentators suggest that the real problem is so many racists come from backgrounds where playing football is simply the norm – “it’s just expected of you.” Others claim that the young aren’t sufficiently educated in the history of football, and therefore lack a real sense of how big an issue it is to so many, assuming they can just “mess about” playing football "ironically."
“If you talk to older racists, they’ll say that back in their day football was just a part of racism, but it seems a defeatist attitude to say it always must be” a spokesman said. In fact, he claims, the time has come when it really must cease to be:
“This fetid association with football is making it increasingly difficult for young racist men to meet a nice young lady,” he explained, “because they’re constantly being bothered by shameless gold-diggers assuming they’re on 100k a week and thick as a donkey dump.”
“Even medical care is becoming an issue: I talked to a fellow racist recently who told me he broke his leg, and even the paramedics wouldn’t believe he hadn’t dived – the guy worked in middle management, for Christ’s sake!”
This distancing has been harder than anticipated, however, as the football association proved uncooperative, forcing Racism to re-think its tact, reportedly attempting to target races football generally doesn't discriminate against in order to distinguish between the two. Unfortunately, this only left British Caucasians as a viable victim of prejudice, causing Racists to steep themselves in self-hatred, and ultimately want to be associated with the corruption of the F.A as a way of punishing themselves.
“Circular logic’s a bastard” their spokesman lamented.