The Producer of ITV's "This Morning" today declared himself "Completely Shocked" after guest Katy Hopkins launched into a tirade against working class old people, who, she declared in conversation with show hosts Philip Schofield and Holly Willoughby, "are just too ghastly" and "smell of widdle and cabbage".
Producer Tristran Mewle commented "Oh dear. Goodness me. That's a bit unpleasant isn't it. I thought we were just going to have a nice chat and a cup of tea and all of a sudden she starts saying these horrid things. There's just no need for it. Dear oh dear."
After expanding on her remarks to call for OAPs to be rendered down for catfood, host Philip Schofield had to restrain Co-Host Holly Willoughby from banging Hopkins' head against a coffee table. Shortly thereafter, during a commercial break, Schfield in turn had to be restrained from pushing a table lamp down Hopkins' throat.
After the break, an unruffled Hopkins called for "Horrid Working class council house people" to be sterilised, prompting studio guest and lifelong pacifist the Dalai Lama, to attenpt to strangle Hopkins with his meditation beads. As the show concluded, the entire studio crew were kicking and gouging Hopkins until security staff arrived, who then proceeded to join in the assault on Hopkins, who continued to spout shrill, spiteful, half-witted bilge.
Producer Mewle commented later "Dear me. I'm very upset. We don't invite people onto the show to be horrible and thoughtless. That's just wrong. People would think we just book Katy onto the show because she gives us a few minutes cheap controversy. And that would make me sad. Now excuse me, please, I have to go and check that Katy's ok and book her for next week, so that she can give us a few minutes on.....oh....I dunno....fat kids. Yeah fat kids."