A spokesman for the charity Rich Thickos called today for brain-dead footballers to be removed from the pitch until they showed a basic form of intelligence, compared with, say, a rock.
The spokesperson, Fiona Moffatt, said: 'We have seen some distressing scenes recently where completely brain-dead footballers were allowed to continue playing, despite showing every sign of being totally stupid.
'For example, in recent match, a player, whom we shall anonymise by referring to him as WR, who plays for a club which I will only identify as MU, was several yards off side when he received the ball. He then shouted and swore at the referee when this was pointed out to him and he was prevented from scoring a goal. Does he think everyone watching is as stupid as he is? We belive that he does not understand this concept.
'Our solution is for people like WR to be completely removed from the field of play until they show some glimmer of intelligence. Our patron, Professor Brian Cox, is happy to talk quantum physics with them until there is a spark of understanding somewhere.
'Tell you what - listening to Professor Cox talk about anything at all certainly gets me going!'