The world's leading pornographologists gather this week in San Fernando Valley, California - centre of the adult entertainment industry - to witness the first use of the "Large Hardon Collider". The Large Hardon Collider is the largest of it’s kind, and is considered so hot and horny that it has to be buried up to 500ft below the valley where 90% of America’s erotica is produced.
The Large Hardon Collider was built by a consortium of adult movie executives to test the theories developed by Professor Stephen Whoreking about ultimate “high energy straight action”, but it is thought that it may pave the way for bi- and group interactions of all kinds as the Hardon collider reveals more about the secrets of highly accelerated penetration and the much harder to achieve double-penetration.
In September 2008, when an electrical fault caused a rupture and the leak of 6 tonnes of fluid, several months were lost to the mopping up exercise. Further delays were also experienced in July 2009 when a pressure abnormality was detected, rendering systems flaccid and unable to achieve their purpose.
With those technical glitches now overcome, the boffins of "silicone valley" are already pointing to the first complex scatter patterns unachievable by any other means as vindication for their years of effort.
In answer to on-line speculation that the Large Hardon Collider may cause black holes to open up, spokesperson for the project, Laura Coxxx, commented, “Oh...Oooh yeah, oh God, yes, YES, baby.”
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World looks on in awe as “Large Hardon Collider” is finally turned on.
(32 posts) (10 voices)
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Posted 2 years ago #
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Oxbridge
offlineMemberJust to prove great minds think alike, even when it comes to invented porn actresses' names, here's one I did in my very early days on NB, which was also at the time when the government seemed to be bailing out everyone. It didn't get used but I still quite like it so there:
Government urged to bail out porn industry
The British porn industry has called for the government to include it in the ongoing bail-out of cash-strapped industries. According to David Grayson, a spokesman for the British Adult Film Association (BAFA), many hard-working families are seeing their livelihoods at risk because the downturn has led to a 30% slump in DVD sales since 2007.
“Some people think we just get two men, five women and a goat together and point a camera at them,” claimed Grayson. “However, for every performer, there are several others in related services who might also lose their job: lighting technicians, film editors, scriptwriters, dialogue coaches – OK, not dialogue coaches really, but you get my point.”
Despite restrictive legislation, BAFA claims, the British porn industry is the largest in the world after the US and a major exporter to other European markets. In some niches, notably those involving 35-year old women dressed in school uniforms from the 1950s, Britain is a world market leader.
“I can’t stress how badly we are suffering,” said Grayson. “The downturn has taken us all from behind. Trading conditions suck. Without immediate government help – hang on, I think this will work – the industry will be brought to its knees and most of the companies in it will go tits-up.”
A treasury spokesman commented that the full list of industries that will be helped out by government-backed credit has yet to be fully finalised. “The porn industry?” he said. “Well, I don’t really think … oh, what the hell, in for a penny eh? How much are they asking for?”
Added leading porn actress Jenna Foxx: “Uh uh uh, yes, YES, YES, fill my gaping coffers with your enormous subsidy, big boy.”
Posted 2 years ago # -
The All New Jeni B
offlineMemberAh yes. Our Oxy. A chap who doesn't believe in blowing his own trumpet when a full brass band can do the trick.
(Plus he's not so able to bend double these days.)Posted 2 years ago # -
sauce
offlineMemberCalifornia is an earthquake zone - could add something about the earth moving ...
(The Stanford Linear Accelerator is a huge particle research fascility built stradling the main fault line in the Bay area. Crazy place to build it - but I suppose they grabbed the dosh to build it and weren't about to let it go elsewhere: power)
Posted 2 years ago # -
@arrghgarry - Much as I love this opportunity to bump my Large Hard-on piece every 12 hours, I think if the NB editors haven't seized on it by now, they never gunna... so I'm going to reply on a PM to ya and leave the rest of the world guessing as to whether I took a local with me...
Posted 2 years ago #
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