A senior “really fancies” acquiring a long red wig, he confided to robing room colleagues. “You know, a thick curly one. These grey ones are so draining. I really look so old in mine. I know you’re supposed to look powerful and imposing but it’s so colourless. I’ve seen one on the internet which I could wear, you know, at home, but I doubt whether I’d get away with it in court. It’s like a long red mane. Imagine. Fantastic with the robe! Then I’d be the centre court of attention! I’d look all demure and serious, but that would add to the effect. And when the jury looked like they were nodding off I would flick it imperiously. What do you think?”
The judge’s comments were secretly recorded in an unnamed highest court of the land, and none of the details can be revealed for legal reasons. “Well between you and me, I’ve ordered it on an unnamed internet site I sometimes use" the judge told ushers and fellow judges the following day "I’ll bring it in next week. I won’t actually wear it in court unless someone double-dares me. Friday, then. Whose turn is it to bring in cake?”
Later that day the judge warned jurors – five women, four men and three other women – of their duties during a new trial. “It is utterly important you think only about what you hear and see in this courtroom during the trial,” he told the Jury. “You must not read the newspapers or the internet, watch TV news, eat dark chocolate, attend performances in the theatre of Cat on a Hot Tin Roof or Anthony and Cleopatra, buy ridged crisps, go to films rated 12 or above or embark on new sexual relationships with someone of the same star sign."