In a bid to improve the moral standards of British newspapers, regulatory control is to be handed to Satan.
This is something of a 'poacher turned gamekeeper' role for the Horned One, who cut his journalistic teeth editing the Daily Mail before taking up malevolent acts as a full-time occupation in the 1960s.
"We wanted to make the Press accountable without sacrificing freedom of speech", David Cameron told a coven of journalists. "Beelzebub is the ideal candidate : his integrity is, well, it's better than most journalists, and he definitely knows when they're lying. It was either him or Paul Dacre - who would you have chosen?"
Earlier plans for a Royal Charter were opposed by journalists on the grounnds that it might have stopped them bugging the phones of dead children or making stuff up.