Facebook newsfeeds and families across the UK are preparing for a barrage of obscure and questionably-pronounced weather terminology today, as thousands of men prepare to add the subject of 'meteorology' to their lists of expertise.
A large storm, recently named 'St Jude', is expected to cause widespread distruption throughout Monday and possibly Tuesday, with severe damage expected to both trees and buildings, as well as the patience of wives and girlfriends up and down the country.
Meteorologist of four-hours and former false widow spider specialist, Nigel Granger, said: 'If you're planning on heading out today or tomorrow, you're a mug. As the storm approaches over the sea, the pressure from the top bit mixes with the pressure on the bottom bit, which could cause strong winds. It might even be gale-force, but that means it'd have to be faster than 54mph, which has the potential to bring down trees'.
Nigel was later overheard saying, 'a storm is only considered a hurricane based on its staying-power, not necessarily its force'.
After exhausting all his knowledge on the subject, his wife said: 'It can be frustrating whenever there's anything remotely sensational in the news. Last year, if anybody even mentioned anything about birds or having a cold, he'd interject with an out-of-context fact about bird-flu. It's so embarrassing',
She added: 'I'm just waiting for something sensational about hoovers or dish clothes to hit the news. That's when I suspect his ability to gain instant knowledge on any given subject may miraculously disappear'.