Silver fox and baking big-wig Paul Hollywood has found himself explaining to frustrated film producers why he has 'snubbed' the offer of a leading role in the up-coming movie adaption of the mega-hit novel, Fifty Shades of Grey.
Hollywood, who has impressed the public with his ability to manipulate a pair of buns whilst maintaining a brooding intensity, claims he turned down the 'career changing' opportunity to focus on more 'pastry-based ventures' with the BBC.
'I'm not hugely surprised at the offer', admitted Hollywood today. 'It all fits. I'm a dab-hand at filling-in tarts with my cream, not to mention my ability to punish a soggy bottom. I guess my surname is suitable for the big time, too - "Hollywood". But I'm just way too busy'.
'Besides', he added, 'I don't believe there's currently a gimp suit in existence that can handle my substantial girth anyway - and frustratingly I've put a little weight on since the Bake Off started. The world of baking needs me right now. Perhaps I can just appear in the sequel or something?'
'Men with an ability to ferociously whip something to within an inch of its life don't come along everyday', explained US film producer, Kirk Matthews. 'Admittedly it's cream he's whipping, but swap the whisk with a leather paddle and you've got yourself a natural "dom".
He continued: 'Of course we're extremely disappointed that Paul has turned down the opportunity, but there are suitable alternatives available. I don't know who he is exactly, but I'm hearing some great things about a certain 'Alan Titchmarsh' - I hear he is a seasoned professional at "using a hoe".