With the launch of new slimline iPad, iPad Mini and various new laptops, Apple today announced that everyone's iWallet will now be a lot thinner.
A spokesman for Apple said: 'With all the new technology we are launching in the run-up to Christmas, we are concentrating on making our customers' wallets a lot thinner than they would have been if they had bought products from our rivals.
'This also has the added effect of making all our customers thinner as well, because they won't be able to afford to eat. We are also partnering the energy suppliers to ensure that our customers won't be able to heat their houses over the winter.
'So everyone's a winner - well, we are, anyway!'