The Mayor of popular Costa Del Sol resort town Fuengirola has been quick to invest in over thirty disused 'Go Home Vans' from the UK today, in a last-ditch effort to stem the influx of drunken and embarrassingly-dressed English holidaymakers, who have 'plagued' Spain's south coast since the eighties.
The vans, which bluntly instructed illegal immigrants in the UK to "go home", had proved 'ineffective', according to ministers, some even describing the pilot as 'disturbing' and 'mildly fascist'. But moments after the controversial scheme was officially discontinued, the Mayor of Fuengirola, Carlos Fernandez, desperately telephoned the Home Office to say: 'Are you not using those massive banner vans now? We've got cash'.
The large town, situated in the province of Malaga, is said to have been 'hit hardest' by the tourism trade since the British holiday boom in the seventies, with some locals choosing to emigrate to the slums of Tangier in northern Morocco.
One local bartender, who has remained 'defiant' throughout the invasion, said: 'Only the English think it's appropriate to wear sandals with socks, flowery beach shorts and a Kangol sun-hat at one in the morning. I used to sell Rioja and freshly cooked paella to the sophisticated traveller; now I'm watering-down Jägermeister to make sure the lads from Manchester don't get so drunk that they start a fight with the toilets. I for one welcome the arrival of these vans'.
Mayor Fernandez, who is also proposing a scheme that will ensure every British holidaymaker receives a text message when arriving at Malaga Airport, politely asking them to 'schedule the next available flight home', said: 'We've tried everything. They're either on-the-run criminals called "Tommy", smuggling cigarettes from north Africa, or they're lager-swigging yobs, throwing traffic cones through restaurant windows. They're just really rubbish tourists; they can't even tan properly'.
He continued: 'I'm going to be as blunt as possible with these vans, like "Looking To Re-Book for Another Holiday Next Year? Call The Fuengirola Travel Agents on: 0121-DO-ONE!". My fears are that they'll just mistaken it for some mobile kebab house'.
