British pinball star, Tommy Walker, has suffered a humiliating first round exit at the hands of an unseeded wild card entry at the World Pinball Championship in Madrid.
Walker, who had gained a legendary reputation in Britain as something of a pinball wizard after winning the national title in an epic televised play-off, had travelled to Madrid as one of the pre-tournament favourites and hopes were high that his ability to apparently overcome all sorts of sensory defects would see him crowned World Champion.
However, after being find £5000 for holding up the first round play by stumbling aimlessly around the playing arena and repeatedly falling over in a vain attempt to locate the actual pinball machine, many experts began to express concerns that he may not have overcome his sensory defects quite as successfully as his reputation would have led people to believe.
"I have to admit that I was expecting a tougher contest", said Walter Yoong, Tommy's first round opponent, after his 2674684974 to nil victory. "Tommy is renowned for his great focus and concentration in games as his lack of most forms of sensory perception means that he is mercifully free from distractions, such as the sound of the buzzers and bells and the lights a-flashing. However, rather more importantly, it also means that he hasn't the first clue what he's doing as he is totally deaf and blind. I'm not sure how being dumb affects his play, but it probably doesn't help."
Eric Davis, Tommy's current manager, said that he was "not at all surprised" by the result. "Of course he was going to get beaten, he tries to play by using his sense of smell. Have you lot any idea how impossibly difficult it is to do that?," he told reporters as Tommy flapped randomly and ineffectually at the machine's paddles for over twenty minutes after the ball had already gone out of play, before raising his arms in a spectacularly misguided display of triumph. "I mean, in my opinion, a fairly basic skill to possess in pinball is the ability to actually have some sort of sensory connection with the game, which Tommy just doesn't seem to have. Quite frankly, if he hadn't been luck enough to draw Stephen Lee in the British Championship, he would never have got here," he added.