Following a spate of high-profile scandals involving racial slurs in football, culminating in a 'space monkey' incident, an un-named new member of FA Commission issued a rambling statement earlier today. "Continually banging on about allegedly racist remarks is blatantly is racistist. No-one dares call a spade a spade for fear of getting shovelled in steaming mounds of Kaká.
The fans have had the stuffing knocked out of them too, having to chant 'Who's the bastard in the darker clothing?' whenever the referee makes a pig's ear of things. Most coaches and managers are finding it deeply oprressive that we have to avoid any affectionate reference to bananas, monkeys, or Douglas Bader's dog." He said, looking hurt and bewildered.
Meanwhile it is rumoured that Chelsea football team, being wholly representative of the ethnic makeup of central London, are planning tactics to take advantage of the situation. An insider revealed that the team have been planning a rugby-style Haka to intimidate opposition and officials alike prior to kickoff, stomping slowly and hissing "is it because I is blik?" repeatedly. One of players, who had spent a gratuitous amount of time on a sunbed to enter into the spirit of things said "Really it is just a bit of fun, but it doesn't do any harm to have them hesitate just a bit before sliding in for a clattering tackle or blowing up".
Greg Dyke has since gone record to add gravitas to the debate. "Given that most managers don't even speak the native language of most of their teams, having to stick to PC cliches and avoiding off-colour jokes is leaving them almost unable to communicate except by roaring incoherently and employing hand-gestures. Sir Alex Ferguson was well before his time in that respect."