It was revealed today that over a period of 24hours, Jack Bauer, star of edgy television series 24, single handedly lifted the debt ceiling and thwarted extremist plans to cripple the country financially. Investigators are still trying to understand how such dangerous individuals were able to get into a position to cause such wide spread panic, and there are fears many of them may still be there.
A spokesman for the hero released a statement earlier claiming "after several experts were unable to solve the issue we needed a maverick who had no regard for the rules. After he heard the president was being held ransom, with only 4 rounds of bullets and a minimal but not inconsiderate amount of explosives, reached an agreement to increase the debt ceiling".
There are rumours his family were all individually kidnapped, rescued, re-kidnapped and then re-rescued during that day. Although each hour was packed with hostile negotiation and gripping fighting scenes against the "republican bastards", he used ad-breaks to travel incomprehensible distances and draw up complex legal documents.
Asked what he was going to do for the next twenty four hours, Mr Bauer explained that he would be mostly sleeping and unwinding with a sudoku and green tea.