Consumers recently allowed a trial run of Google Glass, the latest piece of alchemy in our lives which essentially allows the user to wear the internet on their face, have vehemently denounced the voice-commanded technology which sends magical signals to the sky and back in Nano-seconds as “a bit slow”. The consensus is that, whilst an admirable attempt, Google Glass is rather primitive, often taking upwards of a minute just to illegally download a unreleased movie in HD and beaming it straight into their eyes.
The tone was set immediately by a cacophony of groans, as users realised that on Glass YouTube contemptibly still forces you to watch a few seconds of advertising before showing you videos of the most talented and amazing things humanity has to offer for free.
"Still with this shit?!" one irate user was heard maniacally screaming before storming out of the testing room irate.
Many have blasted the 5.0 PegaMixel camera allowing the user to catalogue their life in stunning HD at the touch of a button with just one word: “meh.” Others have angrily bitched that with the Glasses based design they “Can’t do selfies.”
The voice recognition function has also taken a beating, as many people complain of having to very slightly speak louder for the computer to understand what you say and do thousands of complex process they couldn’t hope to comprehend based on it.
“I sound like a dick walking around saying ‘Facebook Alison Bikini holiday’ really loudly” one tester sneered, “and even then it doesn’t seem to understand what I want. It’s like an untrained dog, you know? Just doing the opposite of what you clearly tell it to do and then staring at you stupidly. Urgh.”
Complaints didn't stop there though: others have complained of an “itching” at their nose, caused by the glasses, which is said to be “so annoying!”, and one man, after arguing adamantly the Glass’s 682MB RAM simply wasn’t enough, bemoaned the whole design of the Glass, protesting that it made him look “geeky.”
The Glass’s miraculous ability to answer any ludicrously random or mundane question the user asked instantaneously was deemed “showing off”, and the tone of the answers written on the screen “condescending.”
Most have been described as having a "tantrum" at some stage in the proceedings, often finding themselves in fits of uncontrollable tears, or hurling the technology at walls shrieking "buffer this!"
Users ultimately, when they finally composed themselves, expressed feelings of “betrayal” as another piece of technology fails to manage being able to do everything they can possibly imagine wanting and more immediately, or even fix all of their internal problems.