Family secrets are an age old source of sordid drama, and this has proved the case for the Parker family this week as they finally decided it was time to tell their 22 year old son:
“You’re a dwarf, Harry.”
Parents Keith and Sarah claim they always assumed the boy would make his own discoveries, and didn’t want to rob him of his innocence too soon. “It seemed so obvious to everyone” they say.
However, it appears they left it too late, and having the revelation so far on in his life has been said to be “detrimental” to Harry’s mental health: Sources claim since the incident he has been locked up in his room, sat in draw, rocking back and forth and singing ‘Heigh ho, heigh ho’ to himself over and over.
He mumblingly explains to our reporter: “The thought hadn't even occurred to me. I always felt kinda different, but I thought that was a normal thing. If anything, I figured feeling uncomfortable in my body and being paranoid people were gawking at me in the street was what made me a normal teenager. I guess I never thought my self-dislike had any real merit. It’s left me uncertain about everything. What if my parents sexually abused me too and never told me about that either, you know?”
The tragicomic coincidence that Harry never once was snapped in a photo in which we wasn’t far away from the camera has been cited as a large contributing factor to his continued unawareness.
Schoolmates say the institution’s relentless political correctness strictures ensured no student ever mentioned his disability to Harry, and it’s said the words ‘short’ ‘miniature’ ‘tiny’ and ‘leprechaun’ were all outlawed in Harry’s classes throughout his academic career, causing severe educational problems for both him and his classmates.
Harry says when friends jeeringly told him he should be in the 'Lord of the Rings' he assumed they were referring to his uncanny likeness to Viggo Mortensen. Equally, when a puzzled teenage Harry asked his friends what a ‘dwarf’ was they assumed he was making some strange ironic joke, and simply laughed it off nervously, never actually explaining.
“I thought for a while I was a real hit with the ladies because they were always approaching me in the street. Now I realise they just wanted to touch me for good luck!”
Father Keith recalls his first attempt to give the truth to his son bluntly:
“He came back from swimming one day all upset, and told me ‘I think my body’s weird, dad’. To which I told him ‘Of course you do. Everybody does’. ‘Course it turns out he thought I was referring to how all teenagers feel awkward about their bodies. Poor fool.”
The story has been to taken on by various pro-bigotry right-wing groups as an example of the dangers of an overly PC society where the minorities aren’t told exactly what they are over and over and over again.