ITV is pleased to announce that hidden camera footage of Britain’s care homes will form a ‘hilarious’ one hour Xmas special, narrated by the ‘consistently funny’ James Corden. The revamped inspection regime is expected to yield hip-splitting pratfalls, accidental bed baths and an uproarious recording of an alzheimers’ patient forced to re-enact the Blitz.
The new Care Quality Commission inspections will determine whether services are fit for Saturday night programming. One care home resident expressed their excitement: ‘I can’t wait to be verbally abused, have my medication withheld and be punk’d by Dom Joly, disguised as an underpaid migrant work’.
In 2011 the TV show ‘Panorama’ attempted its own hidden camera ‘extravaganza’, but the emphasis on ‘uncovering abuse and neglect’ seemed significantly less mirthful. An ITV executive promised: ‘Our version is going to be comic gold. With 25,000 nursing homes we’ll have a plethora of soiled mattresses, loneliness and regret to choose from. Watching their sad old faces as their relatives fail to turn up on Visitor’s day - all accompanied by a laughter-track – is going to be so amusing. And don’t forget our catch phrase - ‘Put your teeth in, Dear. You’re on Carehome Camera!’’.