A public health campaign seeks to dispel that myth that bleeding from an orifice is ‘a desirable by-product of a healthy lifestyle’. Recent radical findings suggest that gleefully gushing blood from your genitals may be less fun than it sounds.
Up until now everyone knew that the odd prostate infection was just your body’s way of telling you that you were doing a ‘bang up job’. One Doctor commented: ‘We all love a little staphylococcus saprophyticus. And who wouldn’t want to haemorrhage like a scarlet water cannon? After all, a healthy person can endure a loss of 10–15% of their total blood volume without serious medical difficulties. Yes - your bathroom will look like part of the set design from ‘Saw 8’; but it just shows how hale and hearty you are’.
Concerns that haematuria may suggest a tumor in the urinary tract or cell carcinoma, will put a ‘dampener’ on the traditional family games such as ‘Toilet bowl bobbing’, ‘Pass the Kidney Stone’ and ‘Simon says...you have a sudden, copious outflow of blood!’. Prof Kevin Fenton, PHE director of Health and Wellbeing, said: ‘Our message is clear - as soon as you spot blood in your pee, visit the GP’. Although some may prefer the more measured approach of running screaming from the bathroom, shouting ‘Holy f**k, my c**k is dying!!!’