North West, the five month old child of rapper Kanye West and diabolic nightmare spawn Kim Kardashian, has fired her first management team. It’s said that her parents were ‘nearly in tears’ with pride when they discovered their little girl cursing out a swarming team of publicists, particularly given that she has no linguistic skills as of yet.
North West is said to have decided her agent didn’t ‘get’ her angle, always putting her in trashy publications when West feels strongly she ought to be a more ‘up-market’ celebrity baby. She has enjoyed a brief run as 'hollywood bad girl', after a string of public incidence, several of which involved her bodily functions 'going off' in public, and once being photographed suckling on Kim Kardashian's breast. She has, however, began training to become better behaved and avoid such embarrassment in the future.
The precociously complaining baby claims recent paparazzo snaps have made her look like she’s putting on weight , and accused her publicists of having her come off as spoilt and unable to fend for herself, after a series of pictures emerged of her being carried around by her mother. She also hopes to distance herself from her mother, claiming she’s becoming too mature to be associated with Kanye West's antics.
It’s said that Baby West has developed a disturbing obsession with the royal baby, Prince George, and spends much of her time watching press footage of him resentfully on her 100 inch home cinema, mewling as if to say "How did I get such a raw deal in life?"
North West, who has just been through the harrowing realisation that her hands are her own, is said to be showing ‘no patience’ with incompetence at this difficult juncture in her life, and, in a classic diva move, refused to do any of the talking, bringing in an interpreter/nanny to do her bidding for her. Putting her money where her mouth is, however, North West is said to have thrown up all over her agent once the deed was done, and then simply cried for four hours. This is being described by most as her first ‘full-scale meltdown’.