After years of historical research and technological experimentation, Loaded magazine have finally managed to produce realistic replica images of Sigmund Freud’s mother, Amalia Freud. As they had so heartily expected, she turns out to have been ‘bang tidy’.
“We never had any doubt she’d be a corker”, a spokesman for the magazine says, “I mean, her own son wanted a go. Whatever you think of incest – for or against – you’ve gotta admit it’s a positive review." *coughs* "It was mainly for the historical document we did, though. Just trying to make the world a better place.”
The issue’s front page headline reads “The original MILF” and inside, a photo spread has been created, featuring pictures of Ms. Freud posing in nothing but a slip, lying in lewd and suggestive position on an analyst’s sofa. One reproduced ‘up-skirt’ shot of Ms. Freud has been criticised by some as ‘profane’ and ‘inartistic’. However, Loaded editor Ian Edmondson defended the snap, claiming it to be “tastefully pixelated”.
Many of the more scholarly Loaded readers have said the issue has been a 'revelation'. "Of course" they say, "Freud wasn't mental - his mum was just really sexy!"
The images, however, are said to be based largely on conjecture, a composite of physical features the staff decided might be so tantalising you couldn’t resist even if she were your own mother; their historical estimate being that she had bone structure similar to Kiera Knightly, but with Jolie lips, and Johansson-type knockers. The images have yet to be acknowledged by the Royal Historical Society or the British Psychology Society.
Despite being an undoubtedly imaginative choice of centre fold, the magazine appears to have overestimated its audience, with one bemused subscriber telling us “I never even knew Freud had a mother!”