All cigarettes to taste like Big Daddy’s nappy says Brussels
Euro MPs last night voted in favour of tight new smoking controls which will eventually mean that all cigarettes must be flavoured with cockroach shit.
The new laws, aimed at preventing teens from picking up the habit, will also mean that all packaging will be made out of synthetic material that has been developed to resemble lung tumours.
So far, it is thought that in the UK market only Superkings would survive the new legislation in their present form.
A spokesperson for anti-smoking group Stub It Out said “We wanted actual lung tumours but this is a step forward.”
“Next we are hoping to introduce smoking areas on the street that will just be coffins, and our ultimate goal is to have public death by stoning introduced as punishment for anyone caught smoking within a 20 mile radius of anyone who is a child or a preposterously self-righteous adult.”
Smokers rights activist Jack Wilshere last night argued against the anti-smoking campaign.
“Since the smoking ban no one wants to go to nightclubs anymore cos without the smoke all you can smell is farts and vomit. ” he said between drags.
“Also, it is my sincere belief that a person’s body is theirs to do entirely what they want with as long as it doesn’t – oh fuck it’s Arsene fucking stub it out! Leg it!”