Despite recently claiming himself to be a feminist icon, David Cameron has come out with a statement which has outraged both feminists and the general population alike, comparing the British public to a ‘nagging girlfriend’.
“They’re just like a woman, you know? Constantly telling you you’ve disappointed them, but never telling you what to do differently. Always finding the most spiteful way to let you know how they feel. Getting grouchy if you act even vaguely disinterested in them. Assuming mistakenly you want constant feedback. Never willing to do any of the degrading things you ask them to. It’s just Nag nag sex cry nag. Christ!”
He says, as with “bloody women”, he never knows what the public are thinking. Or even worse, he does.
“They just spend all your money and then bitch to their friends that you don’t have any. They waste it on stuff they don’t need then expect you to give a speech about how thrilled you are about it. Choosing to be with you and then, once they see what you’re like, claiming it wasn’t their choice. Acting as if you forced yourself upon them. Starting conversations with the phrase ‘you haven’t been listening to a word I’ve said, have you?’ just to mess with you. Very crafty, women are. And so too are the plebs.”
“Always getting pissy if you go through their private stuff! Always bringing up awful things you haven’t done in literally weeks! Always getting the police involved. Or, wait, no. The analogy only extends so far. But still. All you want to do is fuck them and leave, but they have all these damned demands. Ugh.”
When subsequently accused by journalist of not being the ‘feminist’ he made himself out to be, Cameron appeared incredulous, demanding “what part of my statement suggested that I don’t treat women as if they were equal?!”