In what was widely interpreted as a shift away from the Christian messages of love and forgiveness, the Reverend Justin Welby called on God today to use his powers to smite the evil-doers of the world. "There's that President Assad for a start. He neeeds a smite, and that woman who starved her little boy. Vladimir Putin, he's another one that could do with a good smite. Heavenly finger appears, bit like the lotto ads, 200,000 volts of lightning. All that's left is a small pile of ashes and a lingering smell of burning flesh. Job done."
The Archbishop believes that this sort of high profile initiative by the Almighty would send the right message to people at a time of increasing austerity and pack out the churches on a Sunday morning. "If successful it could even be extended for lesser evils, say 20,000 volts for parking in a disabled space, or 10,000 for farting silently in a crowded tube train."