Not content to promote her new album with an obligatory graphic video, twitter rant and sense of desperation; the new ‘Queen of Shock’ has decided sell glass and tupperware, themed around the ‘non-controversial’ topic of ’genital cleanliness’. Ms. Cyrus insisted that she was just raising awareness of a topic ‘close to her heart’ and was in no way cynically exploiting a ‘Mumsnet’ story that had just gone viral.
Her management team were quick to emphasize that Ms. Cyrus was not seeking notoriety: ‘When not fellating hardware tools, mocking mental illness or twerking at children’s parties, Ms. Cyrus likes nothing better than to unwind with a nice cup of tea – while flagellating a goat dressed as a Nazi. What possible motivation could this multi-millionairess have for brazenly indulging in shameless self promotion? It’s not as if she’s got a dire album to sell.’
Other pop rivals have been forced to ‘up their game’ to complete with Ms. Cyrus; Britney Spears is planning to join the English Defence League; Lady Gaga intends to mate with a Salamander; while Katie Perry has vowed to marry Russell Brand again.
Her management reiterated to journalists that she had no ‘desire to shock’ - while Ms. Cyrus casually ripped off Ozzy Osbourne’s head with her teeth. ‘Her recent antics are a natural extension of her Disney alter-ego Hannah Montana,’ explained her Press officer. ‘And not remotely as stomach-churningly disturbing as her father’s ‘Achy Breaky Heart’, The Daily Mail’s readers’ page or the privatization of the Royal Mail’.