SSE Officials have defended a massive 8.2% rise in energy prices, claiming it is "The last thing we wanted".
"The first thing we wanted was fat profits" said SSE's Will Morris, "and we achieved that some time ago" he continued.
"Next on the list was big bonuses for the executives, followed by some other perks such as Christmas shopping days, high street vouchers to reward achievements such as doing a full week's work. Obviously we wanted to achieve 'customer focused' targets, like responding to queries within 20 working days and so on, and making consumers feel that they didn't have to live without heating"
Mr Morris then beamed "After all, we believe we made huge strides in helping consumers cut costs. For example, we suggested people should reduce their light bulb stock to a single bulb, simply taking it with them as they move around the rooms. This proved to be even more effective, as invariably people wouldn't be able to move the bulb with them because it was too hot to handle"
"If you want to blame anyone for the price rise, speak to Ed Miliband. He suggested we do this now before Labour get into power"