Having been marginalized by Arsene Wenger, since an influx of ‘one migrant German called Ozil’, Jack Wilshere has decided to declare his candidacy for the vacant leadership of the English Defence League. Mr. Wilshere cited fears that too many ‘foreigners’ were eligible for the national team and that ‘honest smoking Anglo-Saxons’ were being victimized.
Earlier this week EDL founder Tommy Robinson resigned over concerns about ‘far-right extremism’ and his own inability to ‘score from set pieces’. ‘I’m not saying that Arsenal’s hooliganism of the 80s will be a point in Jack’s favour,’ said an EDL spokesman. ‘But with Paolo Di Canio sacked, Jack may be our last hope to acquire a Fascist playmaker for our pub team’.
Mr. Wilshire once received a police warning for spitting at a taxi driver for wearing a Spurs hat, but some EDL members see this as ‘racism-lite’ or simply ‘too North London’. In response the Arsenal midfielder declared ‘England for the English’, promising to combat ‘Islamists’, ‘erosion of our national identity’ and ban anyone called Adnan Januzaj who coincidentally might want to ‘play in the same England position as me’.