Domesticated animals across the country claim they are being severely under represented in post watershed terrestrial programming and have demanded that there be more adult-themed entertainment aimed toward the furry/scaly demographic. The animal cry comes in the wake of Channel Four's 'Sex Box' debacle, the show which failed to live up to its billing of containing live human sex acts.
"It's just not on," said Derek the gerbil, spokescreature for the National League of Pets. "Every night as we settle down in our cages, baskets and aquaria we see humans of all varieties; black, white, gay, lesbian, disabled, teenage, transgender, bald and even celebrities all having or talking about sex. We're sick to death of it. And Sex Box was the last straw. Where's the fucking animals?" stamped the tiny mammal from his cage in Rainham.
Keen to allay the NLP's concerns, Channel Four's head of scheduling, Ralph Tee responded by saying, "We are aware that we have been a bit shy on the animal sex front in recent years, and recognise that we have a duty to cater to the whole household including pets. As such we are currently working with programme makers on a new show specifically to that end. I don't want to give too much away at this point but all I can say is it's got everything a libidinous, unintelligent beast could ask for. With voice-overs from Gordon Ramsay, Alan Carr and Katie Price, it's gonna be the dog's bollocks'' chirped the confident TV executive.
Meanwhile, critics have warned that with an already blurred divide between family-oriented and adult suited TV, combined with chlidrens' love of homely creatures, this could spell the beginning of the end for the seemingly dated 9pm watershed. "Pet porn? Whatever next?” asked one pundit. “Scantily clad kids twerking to the music videos of semi-naked pop princesses? I don't think so.”