A 35-year-old man from the Rusholme area of Manchester is facing a second day under police caution today, after a dawn raid at his two-bedroom terraced house by the National Crime Agency, dubbed the 'British FBI', uncovered 'a string of serious recycling violations', including tins of beans 'casually tossed' in regular refuse sacks, some with the paper wrappers still attached.
Overseeing a team of highly-skilled armed agents, the unit sergeant, who is unable to be identified, has expressed how 'thrilled' he is with his teams' first arrest, and is expecting it to be the first of many. 'I can't begin to describe the rush we felt when taking down our first target', he said. 'You have to look at the bigger picture: Yes, today he's mixing plastics with metals, and not even bothering to recycle glass, but who knows where that could have led: Beeping his horn after 11pm? Jaywalking? Rape? Prevention is better than cure'.
Jennifer Buckley, who has lived next door to the forklift operative for nearly three years, said: 'You read about this kind of thing in the newspapers or see it on TV, but you don't expect it to be happening right under your nose. I have to say, the NCA are very organised; there were four masked agents dragging him out of the house with another four pointing assault rifles at his recycling bins'. She added: 'My husband was arrested ten minutes later for leaving dog mess on the pavement. They're bloody fantastic'.
'We'll clean up these streets, make no mistake', added the masked agent. 'Not long after we took down this scumbag, we were sent to nearby Coronation Street to apprehend the owner of a dog called 'Eccles', who, according to neighbours, hadn't been walked for several months'.