Sunderland FC today announced the appoinment of Gus Poyet as their head coach. (No, me neither.)
Poyet, from Uruguay (exactly), was recently sacked by Brighton & Hove Albion for being useless, and so makes the ideal candidate to manage Sunderland.
In making their announcement of the appointment, the board of Sunderland FC said: 'Gus is well-placed to take Sunderland to the lower divisions of the Football League, and eventually into the Conference and then into the Pizza Hut North-Eastern League. He has plenty of experience in managing teams which have played in front of a few old blokes who want to get out of the house, and we are confident that we can flog the club and make a pile of cash before anyone realises what we've done.'