A Doncaster man who was heard overtelling a friend that although he was unemployed he was desperate to find work, has been shot by a masked man identified as a Daily Mail paid assassin.
The man's friend, who did not want to be identified, said:'We were standing in the pub chatting, and Dave said he was desperate for work, as he'd been unemployed for several months, and wanted to regain his dignity and self-worth.
'After about half an hour we left the pub. As we did, there was this bloke dressed in black approach us. Suddenly he shouts out "You don't fit the Daily Mail world view!" He takes out a gun and the next thing I know Dave is lying dead on the ground.'
An unidentified shouty sweary man from the Daily Mail later said: 'Our whole paper is based on the decent people being convinced that all the unemployed are evil, idle scroungers with a dozen kids and a huge flat-screen telly, living in a council house which costs the taxpayers milions, who have ideally come from several generations of benefit scroungers, and have absolutely no intention of working.
'Any unemployed person who doesn't fit that profile needs to think very carefully before they go round pretending they want a job. Very carefully indeed.
'Let me make this abundantly clear - ALL unemployed people are wicked, sex-mad, house-burning murderous work-shy benefit scroungers who cost the Daily Mail-buying public millions of pounds each year. That's an absolute fact, or my name isn't Paul Da - er, Paul Daniels!'