Plans are in place for Monica Lewinsky to re-fellate Bill Clinton in the Oval Office of the White House. As they reel from one political disaster to another, the American people are looking forward to seeing, live on public service TV, what they only heard about the first time round.
For Frank Bundy, Washington resident and keen observer of the political scene, it’s the culmination of a dream. A wet dream. “The American people deserve to see what really happened almost twenty years ago”, he insists, “especially now that most TV sets have high definition, plus re-run and slo-mo options. We should have an answer to the question that’s been on everyone’s lips since 1995: did she spit or did she swallow?”
The celebrated presidential intern has been signed up for the re-blowing, even though she can no longer fit into the semen-stained dress she’s been hoarding all these years. And it is hoped that Bill Clinton will find a gap in his busy schedule, to face-fuck “that woman” once again. He winked, and gave a cautious ‘thumbs up,’ when journalists quizzed him today. If everything goes to plan, Clinton will be filmed next month, standing in front of his desk, with Lewinsky wedged into the footwell, trying her best to get Clinton fully aroused... or at least get the wrinkles out.
A Clinton spokesman stressed that the re-blowing will not constitute ‘trial by televsion’. “Bill Clinton wasn’t the first president to have besmirched the Office of the President of the United States. But few men have besmirched the Oval Office in quite such a literal way. His DNA still turns up occasionally, usually on the curtains.”
TV coverage, he said, will be played for laughs. “The American people want their questions answered. Like can the man who had his finger on the nuclear button still hit - from point-blank range - a target as warm, wet and willing as Monica Lewinsky's generously proportioned mouth? Let's hope, for the sake of the ratings, that the answer's a resounding 'yes'."
Filming will end as Lewinsky adjusts her clothing and gargles with a proprietory mouthwash, “with Bill in the background, trying, unsuccessfully, to light his cigar”...
(I’ve got vague memories of an Onion piece, many years ago, but I thought I’d have another stab at it)...