I am Thorbjørn Jagland, but you can call me Thor. I am the chair of the Nobel Committee. I used to be the sofa of the Perkins Panda Committee.
You're probablly wondering why Putin got nominated for the Peace Prize. It's because we are taking this very seriously. That's why theology teachers can nominate people.
We refuse to comment on claims that the Adult Video News awards are more professional.
We see no reason why we should explain the nomination of Putin. It's obvious that peace is the main goal of his life.
In 2012, we gave the award to the political representitive of the most peaceful continent of the world. Powerful white people giving awards to powerful white people is very important.
In 2011, we gave the award to 3 women you never heard of, because we wanted to show you that we can actually do our job properly, but we simply refuse to, most of the time.
It's like giving the best song award to 4′33″, then to Dance of the Hours and then to Friday.
It was also a nice social experiment. So many people became overnight experts on those 3 women and acted as if they were so familiar with their work before they got the award. Intellectual hipsters that are wannabe cosmopolitan are so cool.
In 2010, we gave it to Liu Xiaobo, just because we knew he was not going to be able to receive it.
In 2009, we gave it to Notbush, because we knew he'll end up talking about how beautiful war is. It was like inviting a vegan to a fast food convention.
In 2008, we gave the award to Martti Ahtisaari, as a joke. We knew no one knew who that fuck he was. We weren't even sure who he was, so we called his mother, who told us "he is a very sweet boy". Most of his friends don't even know he got the award.
In 2007, we gave it to Al Gore, because we wanted him to bring his amazing charisma to Norway. He had to share it with the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, because we wanted to look serious a bit.
It is true that we had some problems with our AC that year and it might have contributed to our decision.
We are surprised people still care about us, after we gave the award to the United Nations and Kofi Annan "for their work for a better organized and more peaceful world". We were actually just being sarcastic with that one.