The government agency charged with dealing with chronic welfare dependency in families has begun studying a spectacular case in the South of England. The unidentified household is reported to have seen none of its members in gainful employment in living memory, and there are rumours it may even be several centuries since any of them was part of the workforce.
“You'd be a fool to work when you've got all this for nothing”, one of them is reported to have said as he tapped on a map of Britain dotted with the family's dozens of residences.
The clan extends from an 87-year-old matriarch down to a three-month old baby, whose birth they lavishly celebrated in anticipation of the boost it will bring to the their coffers.
“This is a profoundly dysfunctional family”, said Alice Greenway, of the Department of Work and Pensions, “they appear to be in total denial of their parasitic role in society. Instead, they ramble on solemnly about their 'duties and obligations' when referring to the insane rituals they go through to justify their living off the public purse”.
The authorities are keen to preserve the family's anonymity from TV channels increasingly desperate for sensational reality show material. Every effort was made to keep the investigation a complete secret, but the cat was out of the bag when the Daily Mail discovered the matriarch's husband is a 92-year-old Greek migrant who confided to the investigators that he “really landed on his feet when he came to England and took up this gig”.