"The Daily Mail is a serious, responsible and impartial news journal" said a senior Labour party member "And is therefore read and trusted as a reliable and authoritative source by all the party's senior members."
"We were therefore very disturbed by the recent revelation in the Daily Mail that the father of our leader, Ed Miliband, had not only been critical of many aspects of life in Britain, but had even been a Marxist." "This was a total surprise to us" said another party spokesman. "We never knew he even had a father; Ed Miliband has never, ever mentioned the fact, let alone ever told us anything about him. The Daily Mail must have done some very thorough research to have discovered this fact, and we are all very grateful to them."
"This devastating news - of which we had previously been totally unaware - has been a huge shock to all of us, and has completley changed our views about Ed Milband's suitability as party leader. Following these sensational revelations, we feel he urgently needs to consider his position."