In strange news, Boris Johnson has come out with a series of statements claiming he is, shall we say, well endowed. Toward the end of a recent press conference, Johnson is said to have appeared 'agitated' and then suddenly refused to talk about anything but his own penis.
'My plan,' he bumbled in response to a question about election campaigns, 'is to get a tattoo on my penis which says 'Boris' when flaccid, and 'Boris Johnson, Future Prime minister' when erect.'
When asked what the thought of David Cameron, he took a pensive pause, then explained 'I must say it's rather big. Sometimes, in meetings, I can play with it in front of people because they just assume I'm scratching my knee. In fact, three quarters of it is still technically a virgin.'
It would appear Johnson was under the impression the press conference in question had been call to address the issue of his penis. Journos in attendance are said to have stood in stunned silence for nearly five minutes, as Johnson maintained an uncomfortable level of eye contact with a few female reporters, most describing the tone in the room as 'awkward' and 'sexually hostile'.