The Newsbscuit website can today reveal the full extent of the Monster Raving Loony Party's only MP John Clownsweat. In a surreal litany of humorous greed, this news comes as a hammer blow to the MRLP who’s executive has been fighting off claims of serious policies and mirth-less candidates.
In 2010, Clownsweat spent a total of £2500 on red noses, flowers that squirt water and hand-buzzers, a fact that will surely enrage the people of Great Rutland. Also in 2010, he hired a pair of enormous trousers; an oversized, foam cowboy hat; and a shirt that proclaimed that he was with stupid simply to stand at the back of stage whilst he intermittently tooted a comedy horn. Ironically, he was standing next to Nick Clegg. In 2011 he claimed £15,000, the maximum available, for his London home which was a giant shoe on Hampstead Heath which he ‘flipped’ to an Old Lady before moving to a box under the A4 flyover in Chiswick. In 2012, a year of maximum profligacy, he totalled £29,350 on calls to ‘Britain’s got Talent’ where he repeatedly simply voted for, “the one with the dog that walks backwards’ before making a goose noise and putting down the receiver. We approached a clearly agitated Clownseat who dismissed the phone calls as, ‘vital parliamentary research’ before attacking a passing cyclist whilst wearing a pair of comedy golden testicles.