Tomorrow's Daily Mail is set to annoy Labour leader Ed Miliband even more, with further allegations that his whole family hates Britain.
'It's clear from what we've found that the whole Miliband clan hates our country and our great traditions' explained the Mail's Geoffrey Levy. 'We have it on good authority that Red Ed's aunt Emily was out shopping whilst this year's 'Varsity Boat Race was on the telly, and that she always refuses to choose a boat to cheer for on the grounds that she 'didn't go to either uni and really doesn't give a toss.' If that's not undermining our great British way of life, I don't know what is!'
Levy's article will also go on to reveal how Ed's cousin Graham never eats fish on Fridays, his uncle Fred doesn't like roast beef and Yorkshire pudding, and his brother David once had a friend who claimed to never stand up during the Queen's Christmas message. 'Evil. They're all evil I tell you!' screamed Levy.
Most damning however in Levy's opinion was the story of Ed's long lost second cousin once removed Timothy, who, according to a scribble found on the front of an old school exercise book, didn't love Diana, Princess of Wales. 'I bet he didn't even cry as he watched her funeral on telly. He might not even have watched it! Okay, I accept that there's no actual evidence that Ed Miliband knew this cousin even existed, let alone has ever met him, but I think the country has a right to know the family history of a man who wants to lead this country. This is the family that shaped him and his politics, and they all clearly hate our country and, most importantly, the most amazing woman ever to have lived. I wonder whether we can find out whether Ed's goldfish agrees that Kate's amazing?'