The government were rocked last night by the news that the National Organisation of Teachers (NoTeach) were planning to hold their next strike during the Whitsun half term holidays. David Cameron immediately called in the army with their fleet of Green Godesses to try to cope with the backlog of unmarked homework, or Marking Mountains. The army task force will be based in the staff room once specialist teams have gone in to clear the area of empty biscuit tins and dirty coffee stained cups.
A team of UN Educators will also be drafted in to take over Lesson Planning, and whatever else they do during their 15 weeks paid time off, for the forthcoming term.
The Headmistress of the Bash Street Comprehensive was unavailable for comment last night as she has been off on "stress leave" in her Tuscan villa for the last 6 months.