In a surprise move, the Vatican has announced that Pope Francis will canonise music mogul Simon Cowell.
A spokesman explained the move saying "Mr Cowell has met certain criteria required to be canonised, despite what many may think. And in spite of our opinions. He has worked hard and been the driving force behind several huge music careers, all of which are purely down to his work. Leona Lewis, Olly Murs, Alexandra Burke, One Direction, JLS have all has successful careers. Even Rebecca Ferguson has had some success" said Cardinal Angelo Martini
"After all, let's not forget Little Mix, Cher Lloyd and Girls Aloud have all had varying degrees of success. A Vatican team has investigated these careers and simply cannot explain any of them. They are all miracles!"