ITV has announced that the final rounds of the X-Factor talent show will be replaced with a dole queue which commentators expect to wrap 'around the block'.
'These are people who have slagged their work and colleagues off on prime time TV' said work and pensions minister, Iain Duncan-Smith.
'They don't stand a chance of getting their old jobs back, or making money from the music industry, obviously. We want to give them a good old fashioned Tory welcome into the welfare system live on television'.
Instead of a panel of singing judges, contestants will be confronted with a Jobseekers Allowance assessor who will deem them unfit for employment and sign them onto benefits.
And as a replacement for the initial auditions rounds, ITV plans to follow members of the Great British public being sectioned under the Mental Health Act.