Stormant Castle, located just outside Belfast, home of the Northern Ireland Assembly, and an enormous and majestic building is to be demolished and replaced with a pair of semi-detached two-bedroomed bungalows in a cost-cutting measure imposed by Whitehall in recognition of the effectiveness of the devolved governing body.
'It looks like a Prussian palace from the outside but it's full of woodworm and damp rot' said a Dr Rev. Ian Paisley who also confirmed that he did not work in the area 'Whoever would want to work in there must be mad' said the reflective theologian who is set to launch his range of children's audio books in April.
Gerry Adams and Martin McGuinness from Sinn Fein took a counter-view from the Dr Rev. Paisley 'This castle is a haven of good-sense and anyone who wants to demolish it should examine their conscience before we have them knee-capped, oops sorry we meant to say murdered, no manslaughtered, no accidentally run-over by a knee-capping vehicle and thrown into the concrete foundations of a new-build, of perhaps a new semi-detached bungalow.'
However Paisley, Adams and McGuinness were united in one respect 'If this means that we will be able to catch and punish the motorists who park illegally near Stormont by fining them £20 then this will vindicate the tough stance we have taken against this horrendous crime which undermines society and separates our religious beliefs.'