“I believe in the Tory party.” said Dave “And now we are on the right track I believe this is the right thing for Britain. Joining the Tories was the happiest day of my life and me becoming PM would not have been possible had it not have been for those gullible fools.”
The move follows accusations his £200 a year bribe for poor married couples would encourage bigamy.
Labour responded by announcing they will pay £100 per year to single people who choose to remain single and the same amount to each married partner if they get divorced. They also said they will give £450 a year to every Labour party member.
“As usual the Labour party is just being silly and petty” said Mr Cameron “and the sooner we win the next election the better!”